Overturn
by Rafah Kurosuchi
Summary: I never imagined things would turn out this way. When everything became like this? Always? Guess that's the answer. I can't remember the last time I saw light in my life. And with the time passing by... I just realized it was only becoming darker. How contradictory and ironic life can be. Maybe it was just fate, or... Not. It was only my choice. But... Why did it hurt so much?
1. Chapter 1

**Well, what to say here? Hmmm, I don't know~! So ok, really hope you enjoy the story. If there is anything wrong, feel free to say it and I'll take care of that. For everyone, it's Shizaya, at least, I think so. There is cursing and some other things, so T to be safe. **  
**Disclaimer.: Sadly for me, besides the plot, not a thing is mine. This shit makes me depressed, really.**

Why does it hurt so much?

Why?

.

.

.

I was meant to be a god. How could I fall from my pedestal just like that? The same way I've fallen for that brute? When did I become so human?

Guess I'm as sick as Namie-san with that unreasonable, obsessive, lovely hate.

I hate him so much. He's mine. Mine to torture, mine to kill, mine to hate. Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine. All mine. My monster.

Maybe it was just that fact that made me get interested in him. He was special and unpredictable, above the other humans. Surely he wasn't a god like me, but... He could easily stand by my side being the monster he is. What else could stand by the side of a god?

Well. He was the only one who could do so.

I always said that I couldn't love one human above all the others. I really meant it. Even though, that protozoan cannot be qualified as human. One of the reasons I felt so different around him. Hatred. That was only what it could be. My way of showing how special and exquisite he is. The hatred that always had such passion...

I hate him since I first laid eyes on him.

I hate everything about him.

I hate that he's the only one I've ever considered as na equal.

I hate that I think of him all the time.

I hate that I'm the only one in this "relationship" infected with this obsession.

I hate that he'll never see me the way I see him.

I hate that he would never admire me, even when I think so greatly about him.

I hate that he would be happier without my existence.

I hate that he was the only one I opened to and all I got was hatred.

I hate that every insult and curse he throws at me make my heart ache terribly, even when I think it's funny.

I hate that he is way more beloved than me, who only receives hate.

I hate that I actually care about him and what he thinks or says.

I hate how human he makes me feel.

I hate how I try to keep us attached in any possible way, even when it's by hate.

I hate how I'm totally losing control over it, even though I mask my burning sorrow perfectly.

I hate how he does not notice it. Just like everyone else.

I hate how he'll just hate me and not care as I care. Just like everyone else.

I hate how he makes me despise myself

I hate him so fucking much.

So fucking much that I passionately, blindly and undeniably love him with all my soul and everything I have. And there is no escape and no turning back.

And I hate that even after all of this, he's still the only one I hate. My only one... Forever...

.

.

.

Again thinking about it. How un-god-like of me. Passing over my disgrace again and again miserably. I sighed. My eyes completely dry, as though there was sand on them, staring the ceiling without even blink. Trying to ignore the ringtone of my cellphone with all my will.

I laughed maniacally at how miserable I was. My twisted humor making my bitterness seem something laughable. I decided to take the damn eletronic and see whoever it was.

"Why, hello, Shinra!" I said in a mocking tone when I easily recognised his photo on the screen. The bitterness was implied in my voice. Not like anyone would've noticed. No one cared enough to observe it and plus, I knew how to mask it perfectly. I smirked to myself in the dark.

How my unrequited feelings were funny in a distorted way!~ That's why I didn't get myself into other couples lifes... Entirely.

"Izaya-kun! I have great news!" Shinra said it so giddy that it made me envy his happiness. He had Celty after all. Which made me wonder if she was the source of such joy of his.

"My my, you and Celty-kun are going to marry now? Haha~! How interesting! Can't believe she actually accepted marrying you~!" I teased darkly and a bit amused. Of course, it was a very taunting joke, seeing I would be happy for him if this was the so called 'great news'. But then again, I just couldn't help it.

"Ah, how I wanted that!" Obviously the idea made him totally forget my teasing. I giggled a tiny bit. His voice was all sugar and dreams. I wonder how I came to be the gay one between us.

"But no. Actually, Shizuo is going to marry! Isn't that wonderful? I'm betting that now he is engaged, the number of chases and property damage in Ikebukuro will surely decrease!"

I stopped hearing in 'wonderful'. Thankfully I managed a quick answer.

"How that monster even got someone who could possibly marry him?" 'besides me', I completed in thought, cold and bitter.

"Don't be so cruel, Izaya! Vorona is a perfect match to Shizuo! They're possibly soul mates!" He said all happy, almost throwing confetti in the air as if it was the best thing ever.

That made me _sick. _I didn't even try to supress the sadist thoughts. Suddenly I had a huge urge to cut Shinra's tongue out as painfully as possible. And maybe kill him as well. And maybe Vorona too. And Shizu-chan... He... How I wanted to be capable of such action. If I was, he'd be dead long ago. But I knew that in the last minute I would freeze and back up against my false will as if I were physically uncapable of doing so. Well. I was emotionally uncapable of doing so.

"Ehhhh? Maybe. But really, in my dear opinion, not one of my precious humans are soul mates with that brute." 'because he's much more precious than them and that's na occupation only I can fullfil. A god and his equal.' "But anyway, I've got to go, Shinra-kun. Lot's of work to do here~."

I knew I couldn't stand hearing more shit about how happy Shizu-chan was with that russian assassin.

"Ahhhhh... Okay. But I guess it's true since you haven't been out the past weeks. Can't wonder what you're working on this time to be stuck home so much time. I hope it's not the Third World War."

I laughed at that with satisfaction.

"Maybe, maybe. You're actually granting me ideas~."

"Oh no! Scratch that!" He said with false desperation.

"Bye, dear little Shinra~."

"Bye, Izaya-kun!"

And then I hung up.

The information finally sinking in my skull in a very painful way. My breath scaped me as my whole body trembled.

Shizu-chan is getting married.

**Thanks for reading, dears~! If you'd so kindly feel like leaving me a review hahahha, it'd surely make my day~ **


	2. Chapter 2

**My beloved people, here I am updating~ And look, I'm proud hahahaha, it only took me a week! Okay. That was not that good, but still. So dears, this one is very depressing. Just saying. Guess I like depressing and dark things... But anyway, here with the chapter. Hope you like it~ Soooo, enjoy! Hahaha**

**Disclaimer.: Sadly enought, nothing but the story is mine. If it were, well. Just better not to think about it :D~**

I felt my heart twist and grow cold inside my chest as I walked around lifelessly. I wondered how long would I stay in this painfull numbness. Today it was 4 days in a row. Or was it 5? I don't even know anymore...

It made me remember his words three weeks ago, not so coincidently when I stopped going out. Either eating and sleeping properly as well.

'Why would anyone in this universe want to be with such a pest like you, damn flea? Everyone hates you, you're a nobody, a nothing, meaningless! Why don't you just go and fucking kill yourself? It'd be a favour to everyone. Tsc. Such a nuisance. To think you actually thought you had a chance. Disgusting. I hate you, I despise you, distasteful flea. Just get your slimy ass out of Ikebukuro, you slutty bastard! NOW! You're tainting the whole place and I don't even want to smell your putrid presence, just like no one else doesn't. FUCK OFF."

The memory made me shiver, a cold feeling running freely my spine. A knot hurting my throat as I clenched my teeth.

Why did I think if I were honest just one time in my life everything would be okay for once? Why did I think if I split my heart open just for him I could get a chance? Why did I think I could get a chance? Why? Why? Why...?

And now he's getting fucking married.

It hurt.

It fucking hurt... So much...

I felt something strange and wet sliding in my cheeks as the knot was now unbearable. I heard an alien noise, like a broken shriek, and realized a little shocked that it was me. I brought my hand to my left cheek.

Tears. Tears I don't let flow since I was eight.

Another shriek that sounded even more miserable than the first.

And then I was sobbing loudly, my whole body trembling. Bitter defeat crushed my being as I sat on my couch, not even trying to hold back. Today was worst than when I first knew it. Guess that today I fully realized the stent of my fucked up life.

The tears felt salty in my mouth as I cried inconsolably, the already tainted heart shattered, stomped, ripped out of my chest. The desperation was suffocating.

Why suddenly his sugestion of suicide was so atractive?

I felt disgusted with myself for even thinking about doing a thing that I claimed I would never do.

Fuck. But I couldn't deny it. My life did not have purpose. Getting imortality with Celty's head? What for? Living like this eternally? I never were a masochist.

I looked at my body. I was much thinnier. Considering that I lost ten pounds in three weeks and that I were already thin before all of this, seeing how I controlled my dairy amount of food, I must look like I can break at any moment.

This was a disease. And I totally not intended on beeing cured.

I just needed to see Shizu-chan right now.

That's when I finally get up of the damn leather couch and get my jacket. For the first time in three weeks, I'm going out.

* * *

I really didn't know when he was more beautiful. When he was happy, but with her, or when he had that animalistic grin that only I can bring. Guess I'm too selfish to say that I prefer his happy smile. Or, I'd rather make him smile both ways...

I sighed.

I was on the rooftop of a building, watching, like a masochist I weren't, Shizu-chan happy as ever holding hands with his now fiancé. It was like a cold hand had a death grip in my heart, pressing it harder and harder till it exploded. I wondered how much time my heart would resist.

Suddenly, I could see his nose twisting as if 'something smelled like shit' as he would say. My scent must've already come to him. I saw a frown and a scowl while he swirled his head around, looking for something.

This something beeing me.

I smiled like the true obsessive sick freak I was. I totally loved how he could only think about me when he was like that. Even if it was hate. He was still thinking about me. Exclusively me and nothing else mattered.

And then, that young girl placed a hand at his cheek, instantly calming him down. My smile faded away. He looked at her in a loving way that only made me want to cry blood so I could express my feelings more effectivelly. He would never look at me like that.

But not even salty water came when I lost myself in my own lonely and despairful mind for a minute. Time slowing around me as I saw then happy, as true soulmates. I could plainly see them growing old together, having a family together, dying together. Which were things I would never have.

Now there was only an empty hole in my already dark soul.

There's no place in Shizu-chan's life for me anymore. Not the hate neither the memories. I'm only something that he'd like to forget.

I gasped for air as my vision cleared again, closed my eyes shut and tried to bear the pain that now was way worst than any real wound I've ever got.

I got up and pulled the hood up. It was my time to get going. Here's not my place and I'm not wanted here. Shizu-chan's already smelled me and I have no intention to be seen.

I looked up to the sky that had no stars and no moon. Just darkness. In this moment, it suited me perfectly. Then I directed my gaze for the last time to the couple that had their backs to me. The night seemed to just get colder.

I laughed maniacally at myself and the irony of the situation. How twistedly funny... The laugh faded into a bitter smirk and I swirled, painfully turning my back to my only one and leaving him with his love.

He deserves to... Just... Let him be way happier than I.

And then I headed home, fully aware of my fate and the consequences of my decisions.

**Soooo, hope you've enjoyed. If you so kindly think it's worth a review... I'd happilly read it~!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Awwww~ Hello, my darlings~! Here another update. I don't know if it's going to be what you expected, but I did my best. Thank you all for the reviews! They make me so happy! Just thanks~ Anyway, I'd sugest you not to try any of this chapter at home. Haahhahahah. Ok~ So on with the chapter! Enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer.: Everytime I put this damn thing and I'm reminded that I don't have anything I get even more depressed.**

I arrived at my apartment completelly out of air.

My fate was already sealed.

_That fucking pain... It's too much..._

What's the point in living miserably like that? Not even my family wanted to do with me. What kind of god I am? Just a waste of space, useless, hated. Shizu-chan was right. I should end with this already.

The decisions were made. My decisions sealed my fate.

_And maybe... I will finally make him happy with this... _

_And maybe... I will finally make him smile the way he smiles to her._

I liked to think I was doing it for my precious humans. Of course, they wouldn't want such a failure god among them. But I also liked to think I was doing it specially for you.

Specially... Just for you. And your happiness.

_And just that is enough for making it much more than worth it. Much more worthy than all my life._

This acknowledge made me a little less miserable and pathetic.

I walked around slowly and putted my brand new lithium pills in my desk. I remembered the look the guy gave me before handling me the meds. It made me laugh internally. He didn't even asked for the receipt I didn't had. Guess I'm so fucked up and looking so shitty that he didn't even bothered asking.

I hoped it was painless.

But I also wanted it done.

Guess that swallowing those two bottles would make it.

* * *

Here I was, sitting in my swivel chair, elbows resting in the desk as I looked blankly at the two bottles. I lost track of time. I didn't know how much time I've been doing it. And I felt completely numb now.

What should I do first?

I took a note and writed:

" I have something for you, Celty-kun~! Just look for it in my wardrobe. You can thank me later. Uh, oh. My, my. Just forget it. I will take it as if you've already thanked me. No worries, haha! Hope you like your little gift ~ "

I glued it in the back of my hands so they would easily see. Guess Celty will be happy. Or angry. Can't say. However, I can plainly imagine her surprised non-existent face.

I tooked another note and headed to my wardrobe. Now it was glued to the box where Celty's head was. It said:

"Enjoy it! And tell Shinra you love him already! My dear friend deserves to know~."

I smirked at that. I hoped it worked at least.

My friend should have the oportunity to have his object of love beside him. And he had a chance. Both, him and Celty, had. Just let their love be as everlasting as Shinra claim it to be.

I came back to my desk, sitting and swirling in my chair.

I wondered if I should leave a goodbye letter even if no one cared or would read it.

I took the pen anyway and started writing, writing and writing. For the first time, spilling my heart out, entirelly and no-shamelessly. Writing everything that passed in my head or my heart with true honestity.

I told everything.

After I finished, I putted it in the pocket of my jacket. No one was meant to read it. I just wanted some releasing of the weight in my mind and heart.

Finally. I was ready.

I took a glass of water and swallowed all the pills in the bottles. Two in each time.

When I finished, some strange relief hitted me. I had total control of it and it was almost over. My final act as a fallen god. For my humanity. For him. I did it.

Now, I just had to wait for the strings of fate to take place.

I started to swirl in my chair again. I looked to my phone, lazily contemplating whether I should call Shizu-chan or not. Well. I wanted to hear his voice for the last time.

I quickly typed the number I knew by heart and waited.

Beep...

Beep...

"Hello?" I heard his beautiful rough voice, but it was not my intention to answer it. I just wanted to hear the deep wonderful tune I hated so much.

"Oi, hello there?" I smiled sadly. He was starting to get annoyed, I see.

"Tsc. Answer, already!" Already raising his voice.

"If you're not going to answer, just fuck yourself." And then I just heard the line of the phone.

I sighed again.

Now, that was enough for me.

I was already feeling a bit weak and sleepy.

It would be just so easy to close my eyes...

TRIIIIIM, TRIIIIIM...

I hang up to end the obnoxious sound. Who the fuck it was anyway?

"Helloooooo, Izaya-kun!" Oh, it's Shinra again.

"Hi, Shinra-kun..." I answered more weakly than how I should be answering.

"Eh? What happened to you? Are you okay?" Was he... worried?

"I'm okay... Just tired as Hell" It wasn't a lie. My eyelids were heavy and I was keeping myself from closing them.

"Wow, you really must be working a lot! It's only nine o'clock! Usually you're all up even after one in the morning! Anyway, I called because I was worried with you. Celty saw you and said you're unhealthly thinner! That surprised me since you're always taking care of your health and fit!" He kept babling but I wasn't paying much atention. Too tired to pay atention

"Shinra. Can we talk about it later... ? I'm just too tired now." I said even if I knew I wouldn't last enough to talk to him again.

"Hahahaha! Of course! It's not like you'll be dead later!" I laughed weakly at that. How ironic.

"Of course I won't..." I lied.

"Shinra... Did I ever tell you that you're my only friend?" I asked to the one person who may actually care about me. My dear friend. I owed so much to him.

"Hee, you never said directly like this, but I knew it! Of course!" I knew he was happy for that. I smiled.

"Now you fully know... May I ask you a favour?"I could almost see him frowning ate the blunt and odd topic.

"Of course you can!"

"If I die before you, will you please take care of it? I highly think that a black coffin with a black gravestone is fitting... In a place a little far from the others, in a high place..." I asked carefully. I didn't know if I could ask this of him, but he was the only one I could trust this for. And also, he was the only one that cared enough.

From my grave I would watch my precious humans. And I hoped that Shinra would understand it.

"You're the only one I would trust this... And I think you understand why..." I continued. My limbs were numb. I had to keep myself from falling asleep.

"... I'm honored, Izaya. Surelly I will." I almost sighed in relief.

"Thanks..." My gratitude was pretty much evidente.

"But why are you saying all of this to me now?" He said taking a little aback.

"Ah, I just realized I never told you... And I thought it was important. Don't... Worry." My vision was a mere blur for a few seconds. Speaking without giving away my state was getting overwhelming.

"Okay then, Izaya!" I smiled once again. At least I knew one person would care.

"Goodbye, my friend, just thank you for everything. I have to go now." I could feel concious sliding by my fingers.

"You're acting so weird today! No need to thank me! I do all of this because you're my friend! I'll call you later today, then. Bye, Izaya-kun!"

Then he hung up.

I swirled my chair to the view of the city. This was the scene I wanted to see before dying. How I loved it so much...

I was with the note in my hand and my letter was in my pocket, meant to be buried with my body. No one will never know.

They say that before you die you could se flashes of your life passing by you.

Even though I thought about how my life went and how was so unique and different from the others, there was just one thing I could see as clearly as day while my life was leaving me. I just saw Shizu-chan's face.

A single tear went down my cheek while I gave my last smile.

Our cat and dog game was over. Everything, over.

Congratulations, Shizu-chan. I really hope you can be happy, now. Guess we could never exist together...

_I hate you so much, Shizu-chan, that can only be love._

And everything went dark.

_Xeque-mate, Shizu-chan. Forever..._

**Aaaaaand, END! Hahahahhaha, just joking! Of course it's not the end. There's still much story. Anyway. I still didn't decided if it's going to be a happy or a sad ending... Buuut, I still have lots of time to decide it. So everything is going fine.** **If you liked it, pleaaaase, review~!  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Heeeeeey there, darlings~! Aw, well. I know, I know... I'm sorry for the delay. I was travelling and everything. Now I'm sick... And etc. Anyway. Here's the chapter! Glad you liked Shinra in the last chapter, because this one is centered in his view and without POV. Wow, I'm innovating~ Hahahhaha! Anyway. Finally something out of Izaya's sorrowful mind. Some view of what's happening out of it. Thank you all very much for the reviews! They made me so happy... Impossibly happy! Specially one certain _LuhGleek_ that got me to update earlier~ Hahhahaha, Thank you very much, dear. And thank you darlings of my heart~! Now, I'm gonna stop babbling shit and get to it. Hahahhaa~ Here with the chapter. Hope you like it! Enjoy~**

Shinra hang up the phone with a bad feeling. He wasn't recognising the Izaya he knew for years. In this phone call, he was strange! Nothing anyone but Shinra himself could notice, but anyway, this wasn't how Izaya usually acted.

Izaya's never shown tiredness. Ever.

And Izaya's never stayed home for more than four days. Ever.

That realization made Shinra worry. He cursed himself for not paying much atention to this before, but now he would see what was happening to his best friend. And whatever it was, he'd help him out of it. Izaya had always been twisted and had a difficult past.

Full of sorrow.

And as his only friend, this was the least Shinra could do.

He was not going to call later. He was going to pass by later.

If he was thin to the point Celty noticed in the high speed of the motorcycle... He felt sick just imagining how his friend must be. It saddened him that it took this long to notice that Izaya was not well. She had to see Izaya looking like a zoombie in the streets for him to actually see what the raven's absence in Ikebukuro meant.

He was so occupied by his work, his love for Celty and Shizuo's weeding that he payed no further atention. But now that he knew that the raven was emotionaly and probably psychologically weak, he was not going to let it slide anymore. And he was not going to fall into Izaya's talk of "busy with work" either.

He laughed a little.

His friend... Never wanting to look weak, even when he needed help.

He sighed. What was he supposed to do now?

Absently, he strolled through his list of contacts. He stopped when he saw that name.

What if... Could he know something? Could he have something to do with this?

Shinra bit his lip a little tense. If there was someone to know something, it would be him.

Without even noticing, Shinra had already pressed the button 'call' and putted the cellphone against his ear.

Beep... Beep...

He made himself confortable in his couch, knowing fully well that he was not going to answer as quickly as Izaya. Only his foot's hits on the floor and the frown in his face showing his nervousness.

Beep... Beep...

Beep... Beep...

Shinra sighed. It was not going to be an easy chat...

Beep... Beep...

That was starting to get ridiculous. Izaya hang up in the second tune!

Beep... Be.

"What, Shinra?" The deep voice sounded clearly anoyed. Shinra almost laughed at his bad temper.

"Why, hello, Shizuo! Hope that I haven't interrupted something. I have something to ask."

There was no pause before the answer.

"Go ahead."

Shinra sighed and tried explaining in a way that wouldn't irate Shizuo.

"Well... Do you know something about Izaya?" He heard a grunt in the other side of the line, but continued. "He was acting weird a while ago. And he was acting just normal the other days."

"Don't ask me about him! That damn flea. I thought that I smelled him today, but guess it was my imagination since it was brief. I haven't got his smell in the city any other day. Besides that, I know nothing about that pest." Shizuo was almost growling as he talked.

Shinra sighed once again. He didn't know why he called Shizuo in the first place. Of course he wouldn't cooperate with anything related to Izaya.

If he didn't know by Celty that Izaya made a little trip today, the information Shizuo gave would be useful though.

But... In any way Shinra was going to tell that Izaya was indeed in Ikebukuro earlier. If he vanished before Shizuo could even believe he was there, it was because he didn't want to be noticed and it wasn't him who was going to let Shizuo know it.

He laughed a little bit. Shizuo should trust his senses a bit more. They were incredibly accurate. If only Shizuo would let him take some little samples... Ah, never mind.

"Okay, okay! I got it. Thank you, anyway. Ah! And come by sometime. After you got engaged it seems you don't have time for friends anymore." All the time Shinra was with Shizuo he was too preoccupied with the arrangements for the weeding. Come on, they needed to meet as friends for once.

Shizuo finally laughed.

"Okay, okay. I'll come by."

"You better!" Shinra said laughing as well. "Thanks again, Shizuo! I've got to go now. Byeeee!"

He huffed.

"Bye, Shinra."

And then hang up.

When his moment of fun passed, he sighed again.

He only could hope Izaya wasn't as much depressed as he was assuming. Or at least, not as bad as last time he got depressed.

Well. He would see by himself. The second Celty arrived from her work, they'd go to Shinjuku.

* * *

He and Celty stood in the front of Izaya's apartment. They were there for about ten minutes. But they stopped counting the number of times they knocked or pressed the bell button, which was very loud for that matter.

But no one came to answer.

Shinra knew he was home though. He called a hour or so ago. And Izaya was tired as Hell. He wouldn't go out like that.

[Maybe he's asleep...] Celty typed quickly.

"Oh, come on! Look, that bell is so loud we must've woke the whole building up! There's no way he can be asleep. And if he was, he'd already be up." Shinra looked at the door.

[Then... ?] She showed the new text.

"Well, most likely he's acting like the prideful stubborn idiot he is and doesn't want us to see him, help him or talk to him." Shinra said worriedly. He knew his friend and how he acted when he was weak or depressed. Not wanting contact with anyone. Not wanting help.

Which was horrible. Shinra frowned. The fact that Izaya didn't answer that damn door just got him thinking how bad he was. Oh God... He shoud've been there for him... How could he not see this?

Celty interrupted his worried and guilty thoughts, shoving the PDA in his face.

[Should we broke in?] It read.

At first, he would reprimand her in a comic way for that kind of reckless attitude and maybe even say that he still loved her with her violent position. But then, the worry for his friend came back.

Shinra looked to the door. Then he looked to her. From the door to her once again.

Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea.

He nodded.

Fuck the reckless attitude.

They stood close to the door and prepared themselves.

For just a second, a pretty stupid second, Shinra couldn't help but feel very cool attempting to break in a apartment like some muscular and strong character in some film. Instantly recalling Shizuo, he couldn't imagine why he didn't like his everyday action, like this one. Actually, if it wasn't for the disturbing and unsettling situation, Shinra would find it very funny or amusing, at least.

With a simultaneous double harsh kick (stronger in Celty's side, Shinra hated to admit), the door broke at it's hinges and fell to the inside of the apartment.

And they were greeted with a morbid silence and lingering cold sensation, while they could see only darkness inside the apartment.

**Soooooo, that's it! Hope you all liked the chapter. It took me certain effort to do it, since I've never made something centered in Shinra. Well, that was already planned, but still. I liked this chapter very much. It's more lightheaded then the others hahahhahaha~! Anyway, I've decided wheter the end is going to be happy or not. Buuuut~ I'm not going to spoil it! Hahhahahaa~ anyway, in the next chapter... Ah, I won't spoil it either~ Hahahhaha, I'm such a sadist and evil person! Well, if you liked it, leave a review, darling~ Your fingers won't fall and I'll be extremelly happy!**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm so fucking sorry guys... I've been in terrible times... I was quite depressed to say the truth. I know it's not an excuse but... Oh, fuck, I'm sorry. That's way too shitty. But I'm trying, kay? I have no intentions of abandoning this fanfic, I have a bond with it. But, letting it aside, wow. This chapter is short, but will explain somethings. I'm not so sorry about it (because it was fully intended to be that way hahahha), but the cliffhanger is still there ;))! Awww, how I like being mean! Hahahhahaha~ anyway, darlings, if someone still reads it, enjoy my little piece of literature~!**

He looked at his cellphone, quite annoyed. So what? Shinra fucking called him to question about the damn Flea. Why him of all the people the doctor knew? What he could know about that pest anyway?

Shizuo growled, still a bit irritated.

He tried to ignore the fact that the horrid sensation that has been with him this past days has increased miraculously.

Of course. He was surely jumping around in happiness for the Flea's absence and the peace that came with it. Vorona accepted marrying him. It was supposed to be the epitome of his life, isn't it? So why he couldn't shake off that sensation?

He frowned, looking to the floor. His brain making much more effort to think than he usually would.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Fucking why?

He almost threw his cellphone on the wall.

Almost.

The peace he wanted so much wasn't as pleasant as he would think. Now Izaya's presence was something so familiar that it became a part of his life. Not like he was admiting it to someone other than himself, but now that the pest wasn't a constant in his life anymore, he could feel a hole that couldn't be replaced.

Maybe that was the disgusting sensation.

He could feel its damage. He was far more irritable than normal. He was far more stressed than normal. And he couldn't help but wonder why wasn't the Flea coming to Ikebukuro anymore.

Ok, maybe that was an understatement. That was almost everything he could think of lately... That fucking Flea. Always in his mind, always making his life more difficult... And he couldn't simply take him off his life. Why?

He remembered very clearly that day weeks ago. He remembered the harsh words he said. But the Flea deserved it for joking around about something as serious as love. Now, though, he imagined if that was the reason behind his disappereance. Just the thought sent shivers in his whole body. If they were of disgust or pleasure was hard to say.

He sighed. What if Izaya took what he said seriously? No, that was not possible. That pest loves himself too much for doing it. But, he couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if that happened. Not even a month has passed without Izaya and Shizuo was highly not happy. Just the thought of Izaya vanishing forever of his life made him feel sick.

Fuck. Wasn't he supposed to want to kill that pest? Of course... He never thought Izaya would become a part so important of his life. The fact was that he didn't know anymore how to have a life in which Izaya didn't took part in any way.

His smell came to Shizuo's mind. It was something so vile, so vicious, so... Irrestible, he couldn't help but chase him around and nothing else mattered. Intoxicating. So, when he smelled Izaya earlier after days of not a single trace of it, he couldn't help but look for him almost desperately. He felt the rush of adrenaline and all the common feelings he was so used to that would soothe him after the chase.

If it wasn't Vorona who placed a hand in his face, that person would be without an arm right now. But he couldn't deny it. He felt utterly annoyed at her for being interrupted. However, he didn't want to make her sad, so he forced himself to calm down. He was supposed to be a good fiancé.

When he looked at her, the smile came easily. However, as the smell disapeared as though it was only his imagination, he almost dropped the grin, feeling miserably disappointed. But he couldn't show that to her.

Of course, he was quite fond of his kohai, now fiancée. He always looked at her as a little sister. As a dear friend.

So, he was surprised when she asked him out. But she was beautiful and nice, they had a lot of things in common. Why shouldn't he accept? It still felt strange, but that was what was expected, right? She was being gentle for accepting him. So, that was the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with.

And he was happy to find someone, even though that someone wasn't the one.

He sighed once again.

How did Izaya took his marriage? Was he scheming something to destroy it? It'd be likely. The fact was that Izaya's plans were now natural to him and the thought didn't even made him angry as someone would expect at the perspective of the destroyed marriage. More like the usual feelings for everything the Flea does.

He frowned again. His life was way too complicated.

TRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM.

The annoying sound startled him as he looked at the clock on the phone. Eleven and twenty. Already? He thought. He must be really distracted...

Then he looked to the caller ID. Shinra again.

He grunted as he hung up.

"What do you want this time?" He asked half annoyed.

He wasn't greeted with the usually bubbly voice. It was cracked and hoarse, sad and a little bit cold.

"Shizuo, I need you to come imediately to Izaya's apartment. I'm not kidding. And I don't really care if you are doing something, this is urgent. Just come, you'll see why of this then." And then he hung up.

Shizuo's eyes were wide open and his draw dropped. This was fucking serious.

But...

Just...

What... ?

An eerie feeling took him and now he didn't know why, but the feelings were overwhelming. He was desperate. That feeling... Was terrible. Something happened. Something really bad. What could it have been? His instincts told him that his life would never be the same. He gasped for air in his desperation.

Not even finishing the thought, he got his keys and almost broke his door when he errupted by it. To do what he never thought he would do, but was eager too since Izaya disapeared.

Going to his house.

**Wow~ That's it guys, finally some of Shizuo's view. Hope you liked it! Another different chapter! Seriously, darlings, a review would leave me so happy right now you don't even have idea. So please, if you think I deserve it... I assure your fingers won't fall hahahhaahaha~!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Yes, I'm alive~! Almost. At least for now I am alive! I'm so sorry for the delay, guys. But I don't want to complain so much more for the same reason. At least, this must be one of the bigger chapters or even the biggest. Well. Not so sure. But anyway, I hope you guys like it. It was not intended to be that big, but for some reason I got easy inspiration today. Which is pretty good. I expect to be like this more often hahahhaha. Ok, ok, I won't ramble anymore. Here with the chapter! I hope you like it!~ Enjoy!**

**Fucking disclaimer.: Durarara! is not mine, but if Ryohgo Narita wanted to give me I would gladly accept it and stop complaining around.**

Shinra was almost sure he didn't want to enter that apartment in any way. It was just... Too cold. But he had to, for his friend's sake. So, he shook off all the hesitant feelings that told him that nothing good was waiting there.

Courageously, or so he thought, he stepped inside the complex, Celty just behind him. She was shivering deeply. That scene was just like some terror film she watched once ago. She could remember pretty well how she didn't sleep for a whole week.

"Don't be so afraid, my love. It's just Izaya's apartment..." He said, hugging her shoulders in a form of confort that him himself needed right now. Something was eerily off.

She nodded, still afraid, but moving forward nonetheless.

"Izaya..?" Shinra called hesitantly.

No answer.

"Come on, we already broke in. No need to hide anymore." He tried once again just to be disappointed with the deadly silence.

He turned to Celty.

"Seems like we'll have to look for that stubborn bastard." He said trying desesperately to lighten the mood and shake that horrible sensation off. Nothing was right there. Where was his complaining friend, saying things about being a light sleeper, being fine and domiciliar intrusion?

He sighed. That was bad.

"Go look upstairs, okay? I'll look around here..." He pronounced quietly.

Celty nodded, a bit better, with renewed energy to find Izaya and make that frown disappear from Shinra's brows. The thin line that was his lips was definitely not his usual self.

She typed quickly.

[We'll find him, glue him on a bed till he gets better and everything will be alright, okay?]

A small smile appeared at Shinra's lips when he read that.

"Thanks, my love." He said, a little more confidently.

She turned on her heels and went on her search upstairs. Shinra just started to call louder while walking around that floor.

"Izaya, this isn't funny at all! Stop hiding, for fuck's sake!"He shouted, even more worried than before.

He looked all the kitchen and the living room. Getting more nervous each passing second he decided to go to his desk. The wheelchair was strangely facing the window.

Shinra frowned lightly at this, knowing his friend was a freakishly tidy person.

He took light steps until he reached the chair. And he almost screamed in shock.

There was the person he came here for. He sighed in utter relief. At least Izaya was there.

When his brief moment passed he noticed how strange it was for his friend to be in this position all spread uncomfortably on the chair. His head hanging to the left side, bangs covering his face. 'Well, he'll have a terrible neck ache when he wake up'. Shinra tried his best to not let the bad impression of this situation get to him.

How he, being a light sleeper as he proclaimed, didn't wake with all that fuss he and Celty made?

He frowned once again.

"Izaya...?" He said more quietly, almost hesitantly.

No response. Not even a twitch.

A trickle of sweat came down his temples. Unable to keep his uneasiness for himself, he moved forward.

"That's a very displeasing joke, Iza..." He stopped in mid-sentence, right when his hand grabed the uncovered area between Izaya's neck and shoulder, in an attempt of shaking him to senses. He was way thinner and...

He was deadly cold.

Shinra's eyes immediately widened. That couldn't be.

"No way."

He poked Izaya's shoulder lightly. The body just slid more to the left, only supported by the chair's arm, like a lifeless doll.

Shinra reacted as fast as he could.

Pulse?

There was none.

Breath?

There was none.

Heat?

There was none.

Reflexes?

There was none.

Orihara Izaya?

_Gone._

'Bu-t... That just can't be...'

Shinra's trembling hands went to his dead friend's face, shoving the bangs away.

And that was one of the things he most regretted from that day.

He thought he was accostumed with death, that he could handle whatever was in front of him.

But nothing prepared him for all the sorrow carved in the bluish face of his childhood friend. He was not prepared at all for those half-lidded dead, _dead_ eyes. They just used to be so bright and sharp. Now the glistening red was just a dull brownish not defined colour. Full of agony.

That... That was...

Terrified, Shinra just pushed himself backwards, falling on the floor and making a loud noise.

He just couldn't withdraw his eyes away. It pierced his heart. Badly.

'Just... Why...? Why, Izaya...?' He thought desperately, shaking his head.

Everything they passed through, the difficult moments, the never dying friendship... And he could not do a thing about what happened.

And there was the corpse of his dead friend.

He didn't even notice that the tears were copiously sliding by his face.

He didn't even notice that he was sobbing very loudly.

What he did notice was the warm that he needed right now, embracing him. He broke the eye contact he was making with the unresponsive dull eyes and buried his face in Celty's shoulder.

She tightened her comforting hug, not looking at Izaya's dead body.

She did not like him, but he still didn't deserve any of this.

How long did he suffer? How much? Izaya was the strongest person she knew besides Shizuo. Just what could make he fall? How much did it take for him to completely break down?

Maybe he was not as heartless as she thought and Shinra was right.

* * *

_[You just HAVE to be kidding, Shinra!] She typed angrily. _

_Izaya's just leaved their apartment waving happily like the smirk he had in the face was just happiness. Nevermind the hematomas he had after fighting with Shizuo._

_Shinra just laughed a little, waving it off._

"_That's just how he is, Celty. I've known him since always. He is not as bad as you seem to think." He said smiling._

_She huffed, unable of even type a response for her thoughts that screamed: He's just a bastard! Why can't you see that?_

_He turned his smiling face to her and said:_

"_You probably don't understand. But Izaya's a very complicated person. He has a unique personality and guts. He may not be the best person in the world, but he is actually a good friend that I hold dear in my heart. I just can't imagine losing his friendship."_

* * *

And now she saw that he really meant a lot for Shinra. She has never seen him like that. Sobbing miserably in her shoulder, for the friend he's just lost.

Maybe she could not understand their friendship, but if that was what Shinra thought, she was willing to agree with him. After all, he wouldn't cry for any one.

She finally took her courage and looked his body.

Quickly retrieving her 'eyes' away, she pitied him like she never thought she would pity someone. But still, she respected him.

She heard a snif in her arms.

Turning her attention back to Shinra, she waited patiently for him to say something.

His eyes were puffed and his face was red and wet with tears.

"I should've been there for him, but I wasn't... How did I let this happen...? And now... He is dead." He said full of regrets and pain.

She wiped his tears away.

[None of this is your fault... Maybe we will never know what happened. But it's not your fault. You are a good friend, Shinra. Don't think otherwise. I am sure he wouldn't want you to be sad because a decision of his. Isn't that the way you told me he is?]

Shinra read the message quietly before noding with a sad smile that cut through Celty's heart.

He turned his head back to his dead friend, standing up. Celty let him. He slowly walked towards Izaya and closed his dull eyes.

Shinra sighed painfully.

"I will miss you very much, Izaya-kun. Just so that you know. You'll always be one of the best parts of my life, so I'll carry the memories with me, kay? I'm sorry I couldn't be a better best friend for you... No one will ever replace you, so as you know, I love you." He said with a knot in his throat, smiling gently.

Celty would've cried right there if she had eyes, but the slight tremble in her shoulders gave her away. She couldn't help but agree. She was not a friend of his, but it was undeniable that he was unforgettable and unreplaceable. His presence always so distinct.

It was there that she realized that, yes, she will miss Orihara Izaya.

It was there that she realized something more.

She approached to Shinra's side and tapped at his shoulder.

He turned to her tiredly, expecting the message she was writing on her PDA.

[Just... What's that in his hand?]

**TA TA TA TA DAAAAAAAAA. END! Okay, I was joking. There is still some chapters to go. So, who thought I'd save him in the last minute? Hahahahha, it was not my intention since from the start. But please, don't kill me! There's still much to it and you'll see why. Everything is not going to be just like that. I had to take some of this chapter to the next or it would be just to big, but it'll fit nicely, so no worries. As I said before, don't think there'll not be anymore story, because there is! Hahahaha, I'm mean~ But anyway, sorry, but I just had to kill him, kay? Just wait for the rest~ Hopelly you liked it enough to leave me a review? Pretty please?**


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